Conquering Everest

On Saturday afternoon past, I came home, showered and prayed, and got into my car and drove (by myself for the first time) to meet my best friend for dessert. The following Monday morning, I drove to work, to therapy after work and then home again (again, by myself).

I sat behind the wheel on both of those occasions and marveled at the fact that I was legally driving myself around. Now, you might read this and think, "Uh, it's driving man. Almost everyone can drive." And you would be right - it is a skill more than 50% of the world's population possesses and not something to really make a song and dance about.

But for me it represents a....it represents new-found courage and gumption. I was one of few in the world who avoided learning to drive for almost fourteen years, and who managed to learn to drive and get a valid driver's licence in just over a year.

Sitting in my car on Monday, I felt like I conquered a personal Everest. I tried something new and succeeded, despite fear of failure and just fear period, and for the first time ever, I felt as though I really could do anything I set my mind to. This is something we often preach to children, but this is the first time ever I can honestly say that I feel this way, and that I believe that I can accomplish so much more than I thought.

Driving today. Who knows what I'll conquer tomorrow...

Extra-ordinarily Ordinary

For a very long time, I've had this nagging feeling, ever-present at the back of my mind (and sometimes so much at the forefront that it drowns out every other thought): nothing about me is extra-ordinary.

People's eyes widen in disbelief when I tell them that I was a quiet child (I have a really big mouth now and I'm not afraid to share my opinion). Not necessarily at home, but at school and in social situations I was sufficiently awkward.
I changed primary schools a lot - never spent more than two years at a school. I had always been an above average student, but I was nothing special or outstanding, never attracted attention, and I envied those children who had countless friends and popularity, and who excelled (whether at academics, sport, arts, or just socially). I found my voice at high school, became more confident but still flew pretty much below the radar and was never asked to represent the school for anything.

While I was never bitter about these things (in fact, I was the leader of the cheer squad for all my peers who took part in competitions and quizzes and sporting fixtures), I can admit to myself now that I was disappointed to be overlooked and excluded. Every child wants to belong and fit in, yet at the same time, they also want to be special or great at something that is uniquely them. And because of the constant changing, I did not have the time to settle into a school, which I feel probably contributed to slowing the development of my confidence and personality, and the discovery of any talents.

I'm happy to say I've grown into 90% of my personality - I say 90% because I believe in leaving room for improvement - but even now, I cannot really say that there is one thing really outstanding about myself.

However, I can do many things well, and am always surprised when I successfully acquire a new skill. While these seemingly ordinary talents may not affect the world at large, I have seen them positively impact on some - well, no, many actually - in my small world.
And that's pretty extra-ordinary to me.

Z is for Zeal

“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I don’t have many ‘great’ achievements, but I try to generally live my life by this philosophy. I have a zealous approach to all things – be it work, relationships, leisure. It does tend to exasperate most - even my best friend sometimes tells me to dial it down a bit– and usually elicit one of the following three reactions: people are either annoyed, or find me naïve, or take liberties (especially at work, coz I get shit done).

But I can’t help it. And I’ve stopped apologising for it. I am an upbeat person. I also live by my mother’s teaching, which is, “If you do something, especially for others, do it properly and because you want to, or don’t do it at all”. So, whether it is cleaning a kitchen, teaching a class, organising a party, studying for a test or nursing a sick parent, I do it readily and cheerfully.

My enthusiastic nature and MO may not have resulted in greatness, but it has brought me many achievements and happiness.

Y is for YOLO

“We all have two lives. The second begins when you realise you only have one.”
~ Tom Hiddleston

This may be the first time where I will disagree slightly with Mr Hiddleston.

We have one mortal existence, for sure. Unfortunately, there are people who take this to mean that they can just do whatever the hell they want, regardless of the consequences and of the people it affects. I am in complete agreement with the first part of his statement.

However, I do believe in an actual second life – the eternal life after death.

This belief is a very important article of my faith, yes. I was born into my religion, but there comes a time, I think, in everyone’s life where they have to decide on it for themselves. The words of one of my lecturers still resonate with me today – you have to decide whether you want to follow your faith completely.

I’ve been very fortunate to have been able to pursue religious studies for a few years. It didn’t add to my professional qualifications but it gave me clarity and conviction in my religion, and particularly, in the existence of a Hereafter.

We cannot be here, go through all our trials and tribulations simply for the hell of it. Logically, there must be a purpose to our lives. And with this conviction came a consciousness with regards to how I conducted my life. As a child I was taught how to pray, how to fast, how to dress, how to live, but I was never taught why. And for three years, I learnt why.

We do have two lives, but we only have one shot at this life on earth. And I choose to try to live my mortal life in preparation for the next.

X is for Xerox

Sometimes your job forces you to acquire some odd skills.

The year I started at my current workplace, I was employed in two capacities:

First, I was the assistant to the librarian and my duties were to give media classes to Grades 1-3 and to assist with library maintenance. Secondly, I was to assist the school secretaries with their administrative tasks, and the one machine I became very intimately acquainted with was the Xerox machine.

Every single day for almost five years, there was something I needed to photocopy. Classroom activities, parent communication and circulars, examination papers – you think of it, I duplicated it. I spent so much time in that small room, I became able to detect malfunctions by the smell and sound alone, and the sound of the machines became like a soothing lullaby.

I don’t think I ever want to look at another photocopier ever again.

W is for Who am I?

I was born during the last decade of the Apartheid era, was eight years old when Nelson Mandela was released from prison and was twelve when we had our first democratic elections. I did not feel the effects of this dark time the way my older siblings and parents did, and therefore feel that I cannot claim to be a child of the struggle.

South Africa is in its twenty-first year of freedom, but unfortunately there is still lingering effects of Apartheid, mostly in the form of racism. Law does not dictate it anymore but you still find people grouping together based on race and ethnicity, and you still find quite a lot of intolerance.

Now this may spark outrage and controversy, but for me, the worst thing that has happened in the last twenty years is that the indigenous people of my country have confused their identities.

I find it very disconcerting when I walk past a Zulu person speaking English with a British accent to a fellow Zulu, instead of their own language, or when I talk to Xhosa and Muslim learners at school and they do not know their own culture. It’s almost as if they are afraid to outwardly express the uniqueness of their cultures and faiths, and are all striving to become the same thing.

I was like that too. And there came a time when I had to ask myself who I was – a question I can now answer:

I am a Muslim, Indian-Cape Malay hybrid, South African woman.

And I am so grateful that time, circumstance and experience have steered me to where I sit comfortably in my skin and wear my identity proudly.

V is for Virtue

As an unmarried thirty-something year old female, I am constantly bombarded with comments and questions around my state: “Why are you not married?” “What kind of guys do you like?” “You’re too full of shit.” There are many others I can’t readily think of now (they have become like this incoherent hum, and my brain now blocks most of them).

But the most colourful question I have been asked (recently by a colleague) is whether I’d like my future husband to be a virgin. I laughed, and will admit that I did not quite know how to answer this question because it’s the first time I’ve ever been asked. I mean, I opened my mouth and nothing came out. Literally nothing. I don’t know of any woman who has been asked this question (if you have, I’d love to know what your response was).

Do women think about men’s virtue? I did not actively before this week.

Could it be because virtue is sneered at? Or because we still live in a patriarchal world where a woman is expected to maintain her virtue but a man is not (whoever wants to argue this point, ask yourself why a man is admired when he can ‘get’ lots of women but a woman is labelled a slut when she does the same)? Or could it be that despite the labels, more women are adopting the attitudes of men, and saying, ‘Screw it. I’ll do what I like.’

So my response to her was this:

It is difficult to answer because we all make mistakes and people’s circumstances are different (I mean, if I were to marry a divorcee, I couldn’t very well expect him to be a virgin). Ideally, yes I would like someone completely virtuous, because that’s what he will be getting if he marries me. But we do not live in an ideal world. And so I would be happy with a person who has virtuous ideals.

U is for Useless Colleagues

Work has been kind of miserable the last six months or so because I have been cursed with useless colleagues. One would expect the children and their parents to be the ones who are difficult – and some of them are, but my biggest challenge at work are the people I work with.

They are divided into three:

First, you get the ones who are just downright lazy, will do nothing for themselves, refuse to learn or acquire new skills and expect others to clean up their mess; the ones who think they know everything there is to know, and who are threatened by your ability to work; lastly, the ones who are so vindictive, that they make every effort to derail your projects or attempts to affect positive change.

I do not need to be defined by a career or money – I do not chase titles or positions, nor do I covet millions. Work should be legal, enable me to pay the bills and allow me enough time to devote to things that do define me – family and other interests.

When it comes to my career and workplace, I ask only for the following: that you do your work, allow me to do mine, take responsibility for your successes and failures, and remain professional at all times.

You don’t need to like me – I have friends – but respect, boundaries and WORK ETHIC is imperative.

Sadly, I seem to have ended up in a place where these are appallingly lacking.