Withdrawal

I tried a little experiment yesterday, with the intention of going on a few days detox: no starch, more fresh fruit and vegetables (which I love actually), more water, but no coffee.

BIG MISTAKE.

When I got home at four, I couldn't keep my eyes open and my head was ready to burst.

So, I am officially a caffeine addict, suffering withdrawal.

“You don’t have to be part of a couple to be happy, you know.”

My mother is undoubtedly one of my biggest blessings. We are the products of an Indian father and Cape Malay mother; but she raised us according to values and ethics of our religion, and not either of the cultural norms of either Indian or Cape Malay society. She relentlessly encouraged us to seek knowledge, to embrace our heritage and discard culture when it contravened faith, but to always be respectful and tolerant of those who lived unwaveringly by it. The society I was born into has a tendency to confuse cultural practices with religious law – and I am eternally grateful to my mother for always reminding us to separate the two.

One cultural ‘ideal’ that I am uncomfortable with is the ‘duty’ of a young woman to marry at a certain point in her life. Women are measured by their marital status, and are somehow considered lacking or incomplete when they are found to be unattached.

I am a Muslim. I may not always succeed at performing my religious duties perfectly, but I always try – it is a lifelong journey – and I am in complete agreement with the importance that Islamic Law places on the institution of marriage. It is a most sacred and, for those who are fortunate enough to have a partner in life and who put in the work, a most beautiful state.

However. I am an educated woman. I make an honest living and contribute positively to my family and society. I am a dutiful daughter to my parents, a supportive and loving sister to my ten siblings and a firm yet fun aunt to twenty one. I have no criminal record, I don’t drink or do drugs and I am not promiscuous. I have the ability and skill to excel at almost anything I attempt.

And what annoys me to no end is that when people look at me, all they see is that I am the only one of my siblings still single.

Happiness comes in many forms.

I am healthy. I am loved – not by many, but unconditionally by some. I am able to work and I am able to enjoy life. I live in safety, and with the freedom to conduct my life as it suits me.

I am blessed. And regardless of my single status, I am happy.

The best version

At the age of thirty, I hit a brick wall – which had nothing to do with age (I am inordinately grateful for every year I am granted to spend in this life).

The brick wall was the culmination of years of bad habits from those who should know better, which ended in a catastrophe. A catastrophe that exposed many things for all who were involved.
The thing that was exposed for me: gross self-neglect.

The wonderful thing about hitting rock bottom is that there’s only two paths you can take – you can stay there, or you can go up. The choice is up to you as an individual.

I needed to choose to look after myself.

Not many people are aware of my struggles the last two years. However, everyone can see the changes, and frequently comment on it, whether it is related to my speech or actions, and more particularly, my appearance. I’ve lost some weight and acquired some grooming habits. I have discovered new passions, acquired some new skills, and now, I am happy with the person who gets up every morning, and cope better with the challenges I have to face.

I made a few small changes to my life and it translated into quite a transformation.

My colleagues are always asking me the reason for my transformation, and I’ve tried to answer them as truthfully as possible but have never felt like I’ve answered them properly. Jennifer Elisabeth has said it the best:

“I want to be the best version of myself for anyone who is going to someday walk into my life and need someone to love them beyond reason.”

Thankful for my infinite blessings

The school I work for services a very large portion of children who come from very impoverished areas, and so we are fortunate enough to be part of two initiatives: the Peninsula School Feeding Scheme and the Kellogg's Breakfast program. Both of these organisations send food and cereal on a weekly and monthly basis, so that we can ensure that our children don't have to learn with a hungry tummy.
Two days ago we celebrated World Food Day. The people at the Kellogg's BP brought Cindy Nel, a former Miss South Africa and model, to come and assist our kitchen ladies in serving breakfast to our kids.
There were photographers and journalists and the morning was quite festive, and the looks on the faces of the children made me think about my life.

It is so ingrained in us to complain and to find fault with anything and everything around us.
I have never gone to bed hungry. I have always had a roof over my head and have slept in a bed my whole life. My parents gave me a proper education-I didn't have to work for it myself. I am healthy, and able to work and contribute to my community.

Canada and the US celebrate Thanksgiving in October and November respectively, and although I am not an American or Canadian, I think it is a very good idea to reflect on all the good in one's life and to give thanks to the Almighty for it. This week, Thursday past in particular made me realize that I have nothing to complain about and I have so much to be thankful for.