Distraction or Source of Happiness?

Life is a journey. If I reflect upon my own journey so far, I've come to realise that I used to be very focused on a destination (or rather, lack thereof). So much so that I have not always appreciated the scenery along the way, nor some of the more profound experiences I've had. I have not always been able to see the lessons from whatever trial I may have faced, even worse, I have not always dealt with my trials in an effective way.

I would like to think though, that as I've gotten older and had a little more life experience under my belt, that I have been trying to change the way I approach and deal with difficulty. As I've said before, I am human, and therefore do not always succeed in this endeavour. But after a set-back, I pick myself up and carry on,

One thing in particular, which I've discovered works very well for me, is trying to focus on what makes me happy. Seems simple enough, right?
Wrong.
As it turns out, it took me quite a while to figure out that a lot of the things I thought made me happy were simply distractions. It took quite a bit of introspection, asking some hard questions of myself, before I could give even part of an answer to the question, "What makes me happy?"
I think as we go on, as we experience more, as people enter into and exit from our lives, as the world changes, as we change, so too will this answer.

This has been my thought for the last few weeks - an essential step in navigating the storms of one's life is being able to figure out and know what makes one truly happy, And for us to be able to take this step, we should always be aware of and accepting of the truth, that as we evolve, so too will our sources of true happiness.

Indifference

It's been two months since I've posted anything on my blog. And goodness knows, so much has happened in that time, that I should have enough material to bitch about for a solid year.

It's been an emotional roller coaster for me. Ever since I allowed myself to unlock my emotional side it's been as though I cannot not react to any kind of emotional stimuli - so much so that any feelings that I may have considered trivial or inconsequential in the past now feel amplified.

I was leaning towards a very direction before I started writing this post. Despite the extreme highs and lows over the last two months, I have been dealing with it much better than I would have in the past, and I feel the need to share it. Which I will do at a later stage. But then I read the latest post off a friend's blog, and it spoke to something very close to my heart.

"The indifferent person tends to have a neutral very amicable personality. Never ruffle feathers always pleasant because either …or…it doesn’t matter. People on the outside will see this person as calm and well-balanced. But they are seemingly well-balanced because all the hard decisions are made by the other person…the one that seems to be losing their shit for no reason at all."

I am in a very difficult emotional situation right now with a person I am very close to. This person occupies a very big space in my heart and has been going through so much in their own life (as have I, but really it's nothing compared to theirs), and I think our respective difficulties has placed a strain on our friendship. 

I have been told in the past (by family and others) that I am tactless and reactionary, and for a while I have been trying to be the opposite. I am fully aware that I have the ability to hurt people with the things that I say and sometimes the way that I say them. I am a very big advocate now, for trying to be balanced and calm, even in the face of extreme difficulty. Realistically, yes, it is not always possible. We are human, and therefore imperfect, We are going to react (sometimes really badly). We will err more often than we'd like to. And that's okay. But we should continue trying to be and do better.

However, reading the post that the above quote comes from has made me ask myself: Is my attempt at being tactful and level-headed making things worse? Am I coming across as indifferent?