Re-discovering my adolescence

My natural personality is very exuberant...okay, let's be honest. I'm loud. I like to laugh. I like to have fun (within reason of course). I am very light-hearted and don't take things too seriously. I tend to say things as I think them (without editing before I utter) and I don't sugar-coat.
When I was younger, I was often labeled as being tactless and my natural tendencies often landed me in some sort of trouble.

For the longest time now, I've been trying very hard to be grown up and responsible. And while I am relieved to have abandoned some of my juvenile qualities, I think I squashed my personality in the process and became this really boring, heavy person. It's amazing how whatever is inside you translates outwardly and my somber head space has shown in my behaviour, the way that I dress, hobbies' etc.

For the last few months, however, I've been rediscovering my adolescent self. Before you freak out, no, not the obnoxious one whom everyone was scared of... Instead, I have merged the lightness of my younger self with the wisdom and experience (hopefully) of my present self.
Someone commented the other day on how happy they are to see me wearing lighter clothing, wearing make-up, wearing a smile!
And I have to say, despite all of the adversity I've had to face the last twelve months, I am being steered towards a happier head space.

Dialogue and Disagreement

One of the hot topics at the moment in South Africa is the energy crisis we are facing. Last year, I had the opportunity to attend a conference hosted by SAWomEng and the focus was on whether we should resort to hydraulic fracturing (or ‘fracking’ as it commonly referred to) as a means to solve our energy crisis.

For those who do not know, South Africa relies mainly on coal for its energy needs. However, coal is a non-renewable resource and our reserves are depleting at an alarming rate, and so we have to explore other energy sources. In the Karoo, there is a large region with a substantial reserve of shale gas, which is a potential energy source, and this resource has to be extracted by the process of fracking.

Simply put, shafts are dug into the earth and a mixture of water, sand and chemicals are horizontally pumped at a high pressure, thereby fracturing the rocks to release the gas.

I had heard the term ‘fracking’ before, but did not know what it was, what it was used for and its consequences. As a non-science person, it was extremely educational for me to learn about it and to watch people debate about the pros and cons of us exploring this option.

I also had the privilege of meeting some really interesting people – one in particular, Johnathan Deal, an environmental crusader of sorts who heads up Treasure the Karoo Action Group. TKAG is committed to ensuring that the shale-rich area of the Karoo is protected against fracking and also for South Africa to more aggressively explore renewable energy sources.

I spent a few minutes chatting to him and discovered that he is completely off the Eskom grid, and relies entirely on solar power.

As impressive as I find that, the thing that stuck with me was his comment on how wasteful we have become with regards to energy usage. Is it necessary to switch every light on in your home? Do you have switch the kettle, stove, oven and microwave on at the same time? And I thought to myself – this man has a point. We are frantically looking for alternative sources of energy but no one has attempted to answer this question: What are we doing to become more energy efficient?

The debate between the pro and anti-fracking communities are heating up – and in some cases, people have resorted to some disgusting tactics (here I refer to mud-slinging on Twitter and slanderous blog posts) which brings me to my point:

We are all different, and have different views and opinions. We’re not going to all agree on things. And it’s okay to dialogue and to have disagreements.

It is NOT okay to degrade or personally attack people in the name of your cause. It is NOT okay to equate someone to a dictator because he/she actively promotes his/her opinion (which contradicts yours).

Bad behaviour is NEVER OKAY. 

stress-fractured heart

Something I've realized over the past few days-the people whom you love the most are the ones who have the potential to hurt you the worst...
That's been my life for the last week...I've been around a person who's negativity is so overwhelming that it rendered me unable to eat and has robbed me of sleep. This person has hurt me so badly, I've cried during my prayers...
With friends it is easy...you simply get rid of the ones who take you for granted. Something I've had to do a lot the last few years.
But what do you do when it is someone you cannot rid yourself of? Someone who will be in your life till death takes either of you...?

“After a certain point, a heart with so many stress fractures can never be anything but broken” - Jodi Picoult.

My heart is broken. And some days it feels like I'm bleeding internally...