Saturday 16 August 2014

Agree to disagree - agreeably?

I open a newspaper every so often, and naturally, the Palestinian/Israeli conflict is most featured, and most commented on.
I am very disappointed in one of our publications - the one I read most often - because of the comments they have printed. This conflict somehow, in addition to splitting the world into two camps, has brought out the best in some, and the worst in others. Everyone is emotional about it. And why would they not be - children dying goes against the laws of nature, and dying in this manner...even worse, against the laws of humanity.

I wrote the following letter to the newspaper, expressing my views on the subject as well as my displeasure at the sensationalist comments they were printing.

My heart bleeds again for the attacks that have resumed in Gaza. Another child dead. More civilians dead.
What upsets me even more is opening the comment section of the newspaper, and having to read letters or sms comments that attack people for their opinions on this conflict.
I am disappointed in the publication for giving sensationalists a platform. All that it does is breed more intolerance and hatred, and clouds the truth.
Here are the facts: for the last month, the civilians of Gaza have been under unprovoked attacks from the Israeli government. More than 2000 people have died, of those, an alarming amount of women and children. Borders have been closed, so people cannot leave the country to save their lives. Aid from other countries has also been blocked.
This conflict has long ceased to be religious - and if you still think it is, then you are blinded by your own racism.
This conflict is about Israel denying Palestine's right to exist and denying the people of Gaza their basic human rights.

I did not attack any person or religion. I gave my opinion, based on what I have seen on the news and read in newspapers. I implored people to look at the situation for what it is - a gross violation of basic human rights.
My letter was published. I was happy, because many people would read it. For the rest of the week, the publication printed responses to my letter: the following are from two 'gentlemen':

"Yes, another child has been killed, found burnt and dumped, right here in South Africa. One of many in this crime-ravaged country of ours. Maybe voicing your concerns over our own children, rather than your own hatred for Israel, would help clean our own backyard. Or is a local child worth less than a Palestinian one?"

"It is not racism - it is the reality of life. You obviously have not followed the news too well. Israel was provoked by the firing of rockets from Gaza. They only retaliated when those Hamas cowards fired rockets from civilian neighbourhoods. In future, take off your burka and get your facts straight."

I am human, and naturally I was offended and angry (especially at the second remark). However, I told myself that to respond immediately would be to respond to the anger I felt, which would make me the same as that gentleman, if not worse. I didn't write that letter to offend anyone, and I was not going to start now.

But I cannot leave that unanswered.
So, even though they might not see it on here, I will respond. And those of you who do read this, who may be like-minded to those gentlemen, I hope that you will take heed of the next few lines.

I know that many people do not share my opinion - that's fine. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I have no expectation that everyone should share my opinion nor wish to deny people freedom of expression.
I have a problem with people resorting to disgusting comments like the ones in red above.
Don't assume to know about my life.
Don't assume to know whom I hate and do not hate.
And lastly, don't speak about racism and in the same breath make racist comments to a person you do not know.

Saturday 2 August 2014

Friendships vs Relationships

Two weeks ago I was asked this question: What makes a friendship different from a romantic relationship?

It made me think of every significant relationship I've ever had. By societal conventions, they probably don't classify as relationships - I've never been on a date, never experienced physical intimacy with a man - but to me they were. If I've given you my heart and you've given me yours, we're in a relationship.

With all of my relationships with people - be it platonic or romantic - my default setting is to give all of myself. I am supportive, nurturing, caring; I love so completely; I am always honest but always focus on the best in people. I have a talent, I think, for making people feel really good about themselves. I've approached all of my friendships and romantic endeavors in this way.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that for me, the only difference between a friendship and a romantic relationship is the sexual element. 

If I look back at all of the guys I've been interested in, I come to the following conclusion:
To get their attention, I overstated my tomboyishness - I love sports, never cared for grooming, wasn't overly sensitive or squeamish like most girls. It worked. I got their attention - and became "one of the guys". Even now, were I to be completely honest, I would admit that I still prefer the company of men. I am a tomboy. Part of me is always going to be that.

However, I am not male. All the female insecurities and sensibilities that I've tried to silence for the last two decades are there...and louder than they ever were. I've also realized that at this age, when you prefer the company of men, they will label you as either one of the guys or a whore. And I am neither. 

I've always prided myself one being the best friend any one could have...
But more than that, inside of me lies the potential to be the best lover and companion a guy could ever ask for.
Every guy who's been in my life took happily what I gave...and gave me nothing substantial in return. Instead, they left me with scars, scars I didn't even see were there, and a feeling of being unworthy of love.

I've made the decision, unconsciously at first but now consciously, to refrain from friendships with males - unless I have an ulterior romantic motive.

My challenge is to SHOW the possibilities of what could be if they commit to me, but to withhold the commitment until a proper proposition is made from them.

This challenge is slightly more difficult for me because I'm trying to conduct every aspect of my life according to my religion. Following the orders from my Creator takes preference over my own desires - and so I have to rise to this challenge without contravening Divine law. I think this awareness has largely contributed to me curbing my naturally flirtatious nature when it comes to men.

But...that's it. I am done being only your friend.

Take note gentlemen: if you want ANY part of me, you will have to take ALL of me.