For a very long time, I've had this nagging feeling, ever-present at the back of my mind (and sometimes so much at the forefront that it drowns out every other thought): nothing about me is extra-ordinary.
People's eyes widen in disbelief when I tell them that I was a quiet child (I have a really big mouth now and I'm not afraid to share my opinion). Not necessarily at home, but at school and in social situations I was sufficiently awkward.
I changed primary schools a lot - never spent more than two years at a school. I had always been an above average student, but I was nothing special or outstanding, never attracted attention, and I envied those children who had countless friends and popularity, and who excelled (whether at academics, sport, arts, or just socially). I found my voice at high school, became more confident but still flew pretty much below the radar and was never asked to represent the school for anything.
While I was never bitter about these things (in fact, I was the leader of the cheer squad for all my peers who took part in competitions and quizzes and sporting fixtures), I can admit to myself now that I was disappointed to be overlooked and excluded. Every child wants to belong and fit in, yet at the same time, they also want to be special or great at something that is uniquely them. And because of the constant changing, I did not have the time to settle into a school, which I feel probably contributed to slowing the development of my confidence and personality, and the discovery of any talents.
I'm happy to say I've grown into 90% of my personality - I say 90% because I believe in leaving room for improvement - but even now, I cannot really say that there is one thing really outstanding about myself.
However, I can do many things well, and am always surprised when I successfully acquire a new skill. While these seemingly ordinary talents may not affect the world at large, I have seen them positively impact on some - well, no, many actually - in my small world.
And that's pretty extra-ordinary to me.
I changed primary schools a lot - never spent more than two years at a school. I had always been an above average student, but I was nothing special or outstanding, never attracted attention, and I envied those children who had countless friends and popularity, and who excelled (whether at academics, sport, arts, or just socially). I found my voice at high school, became more confident but still flew pretty much below the radar and was never asked to represent the school for anything.
While I was never bitter about these things (in fact, I was the leader of the cheer squad for all my peers who took part in competitions and quizzes and sporting fixtures), I can admit to myself now that I was disappointed to be overlooked and excluded. Every child wants to belong and fit in, yet at the same time, they also want to be special or great at something that is uniquely them. And because of the constant changing, I did not have the time to settle into a school, which I feel probably contributed to slowing the development of my confidence and personality, and the discovery of any talents.
I'm happy to say I've grown into 90% of my personality - I say 90% because I believe in leaving room for improvement - but even now, I cannot really say that there is one thing really outstanding about myself.
However, I can do many things well, and am always surprised when I successfully acquire a new skill. While these seemingly ordinary talents may not affect the world at large, I have seen them positively impact on some - well, no, many actually - in my small world.
And that's pretty extra-ordinary to me.
If my previous comment shows up after this one, i'm going to be pissed.
ReplyDeleteBasically, i reject this post.
I reject the idea any that you are not extraordinary.And not just because you're my best friend, but because we are all so much more than we perceive ourselves to be. And you, my friend have a knack for down playing your best qualities.
Extraordinary comes in many forms, and when you're ready to see yours, i'll be there to nod my head and say 'i told you so'. Repeatedly.
I see mine well enough...I see it now because my perception of 'extra-ordinary' has changed :)
Delete*nodsvigourously*
ReplyDelete