How many times have you judged a person based on an
inopportune first impression or an incorrect assumption? Or for something that
secretly makes you uncomfortable or sheds a fluorescent light on your dark
side? For me, too many times to count. And I’ve often discovered (to my
unending embarrassment) that my judgement had no foundation at all.
Certain events in my life alerted me to this
terrible quality within myself. One in particular occurred during my first year
at college.
I became very good friends with someone after a
break-up with his girlfriend. Many of our classmates thought we were dating (for
a long while I had hoped his feelings for me would develop in that way) but we
were just two people with similar interests and a similar approach to many
things.
We did differ, when it came to academic ability, and
I am, to this day, ashamed to admit that my arrogance over this fact, and my
opinions on some of his more questionable life decisions, caused a rift – which
led to us not speaking to each other for 18 months. We did reconcile
eventually, and are still good friends (he and his wife are like family to me)
but I will never be able to take back the way I made him feel, nor can we ever
get back those 18 months.
A friend paid me the greatest compliment I could
ever hope for as a writer – she said, in response to a recent post, that what
she loves best about my writing is that it is not judgmental. My initial
reaction to this was one of disbelief, because I know myself to be terribly
judgmental. Another mistaken assumption that many live under is that if I don’t
say things, I don’t judge, but in many cases tone, facial expressions, body
language, actions, and even silence convey judgement more than words ever
could. I have hurt people, and have been hurt by people in this way. And sadly,
it has cost me dearly, in the relationships with people I care about.
The second reaction was that of hope – hope that I may
finally be on the path to ridding myself of this destructive habit.
Every chapter of my life, whether it was work
related or personal, has brought with it a particular lesson on judgment. One
that has stayed with me (since the Almighty saw it fit to bless me with this
bit of wisdom) is this: no person is too good to sin, and no sinner is beyond
redemption. These words act as my daily reminder that tomorrow, I may be worse
off than the person I judged today.
Some food for thought (and comment, if you like):
